Love lifted me (1)

LOVE LIFTED ME (1)

A young lady shares her story of abuse, pain, hurt, addictions and how God's love intervened… 

My childhood memories were chiefly that of sexual abuse.

At age 6, I was raped by a guy of about 17 years.
At age 7, I was abused by my landlord's son.

At age 8-11, my family moved to another location and the abuse continued. This time by our landlady's son. I wanted to speak up but he threatened me and called me all sorts of names (ugly, stupid) while he dragged me to a dark corner and did his ‘thing'. The fear of what my parents would say or do to me kept me mute. I kept it all to myself and endured it all.

Side-note: Children are deep. They can nurse a lot and grow with it and won't tell a fly.

Back to the story...
I can recall that when we parked out from that particular house, I felt like the happiest girl in the world. I thought to myself, "Finally, no more abuse". Little did I know that even though I may have been free from the hands of the abusers and their abuse, something had already gone wrong inside of me. All those experiences had left negative memories, patterns and habits in me. In my new location, I began to masturbate and watch all manner of porn.

One day, as a secondary school student, a guy walked up to me and said he needed help; that he was at his "adolescence stage" (Meaning his hormones were raging and he wanted me to have sex with him, of which he would pay me for). I went home that day in tears and asked God, "Did you create me as a sex toy in the hands of guys?" And guess what I heard? "Yes, you are".

The devil lied to me as a teenager and made me believe I was created to give pleasure to guys. He made me buy that lie by reminding me of all the experiences I had from age 6 and summing it up to "Yes, it's your calling. Can't you see how your life has been?" The Scriptures rightly described him as the "THE FATHER OF ALL LIES".

Lesson 1: The Devil is a Liar! Never believe his lies!!

I masturbated with different things, even with pillows piled upon each other to give a semblance of a man on top of me. I was neck-deep into pornography too. I used to know the latest porn movies then. I began renting the movies out to my guy friends at some point. While in the university, I was enlisted as one of the ‘baddest' girls in school.

Romans 5:20 (MSG)

"…but sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down.

My grace story began in my University days. God raised an intercessor for me (who happens to be d man I will be getting married to, soonest). I can't talk about my freedom from sexual addictions without mentioning him. You know why? While in school, I had this strong pull within me to tell him all that I have been through. He was a quiet, unassuming Christian brother who had a heart to help ladies like me. He turned my story into prayer points and took the burden upon himself to pray for me.


Lesson 2: When you meet a ‘bad' girl neck deep into sin, please don't judge. Rather, get on your knees and pray. Prayer works wonders and has the ability to change a life. Never judge her. You know why you shouldn't? No baby girl came into this world to end up a prostitute! Something may have happened while growing up. The only thing we can hold against her is her failure to make the right choices. But when there is no light to see, how do you expect her to make the right choices, amidst all the darkness surrounding her life?

I began to have this strong, unusual desire for God which happens to be as a result of the intercessions (which was on-going, unknowingly to me). I really wanted to be close to God but I was still held bound by my addictions. I had done plenty new year resolutions - "no more guys", "no more sex" etc. - all to no success. I slept with just any guy that caught my attention; be it a friend, date or one night stand. I have even kissed guys I didn't know their names, pure strangers! Church? Hated the place so I didn't go. People labeled me with all kinds of names. I would walk with my head bowed low for fear of whispers. Guilt and condemnation made me continue deeper in sin. The only length I didn't go to was getting pregnant or having an abortion. All thanks to contraceptives. I still remember vividly, on one occasion, the guy I had slept with forced me to consume a large quantity of Postinor (‘morning after' pill) after which I began having excessive vaginal discharge.

Quite frankly, I never enjoyed having sex. But I couldn't stop, either because the appetite was very strong or because I thought it was my calling to fulfill a guy's sexual desires. I can still remember one instance, where a guy paid for a room to sleep with me. Although I hated the guy and didn't want to go, I still went ahead with it in pain and tears, all because of that lie I believed.

I later got to a place where I desired a life without Sex! The guy that injured me and caused a deep hole in my vagina said, "No sex, no relationship". I said, "Fine! I quit. I cannot die because of man!" So, I left him.

When Pastor E.A Adeboye (General Overseer of Redeemed Christian Church of God, RCCG) came to my school, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife to minister, I attended the program. Right there, I took a bold step and answered the "altar call". I became born again. Yes! I got born again but I still masturbated, indulged in porn, had sex plus my bedwetting issues. I was almost addicted to drinking too. In fact, I very much lived my old life, largely because I didn't know I was now a new creature; that sin need not have control over me. Nobody told me all that.


TO BE CONTINUED….