"If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and I will forgive their sins and will heal their land". (1 Chronicles 7:14)
A week later.
I yawn as my alarm rings, snapping me into consciousness. I quickly do my quiet time before going to freshen up for church. Today is Thanksgiving Sunday and I have the feeling that today's service is going to do me great good and I am expectant. I settle for a white gown with black heels after so much deliberation. I rush to finish and I decide to fast today.
I leave the house, rushing to the car and zooming off after a short greeting to Sam. We are led into God's presence through songs of praise and worship before Pastor Fola mounts the stage.
I adjust my position on my chair, head bowed, tears pouring freely, heart opened unto God.
"God spoke to me now. There is a someone here who is not satisfied with the position she is in. She doesn't like how things are going on in her life. She hates herself for it and heaps all blames on herself. Sister, God is telling you today that if you will just open up to Him, He is ready to forgive you. For He says in His word, ''My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness''. Why don't you cry out to God, ask Him to have mercy on you and help you? Tell Him how helpless you are to help yourself." My Pastor's voice booms over the microphone.
Around the church, different people are crying confessing and asking God for His help. I fall on my knees also and cry. I tell God EVERYTHING. I tell Him how I'm consenting to having sex with my fiancé. I ask God to forgive me for everything I have done. For giving myself away cheaply, for not listening to His voice clearly. I tell Him that my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. When the song, "Lord, I'm coming home" begins to play, I raise my hands up to heaven and ask for the grace. I ask for the grace to say no and stand by it even though it might be tough. Even if it might cost my relationship, I am ready to give my self, my all to Him. I cry so hard and at a point I begin to speak in tongues. As soon as the prayer ends, I feel something calm rush within me. I feel peaceful and I am happy.
I lead the congregation into a Thanksgiving session and I can feel the presence of God radiate in the building. I am joyous and I am sure I have won the victory. Challenges may come my way but I know that with God, I triumph still.
"God bless you." I hear my pastor greet a woman kindly touching her baby as she passes. It's a routine every Sunday. My pastor stands in front of the church to greet members as they go out. It gets to my turn and He shakes my hands. "God bless you, Sister Ire." He says and I bend a little, a sign of respect. "Amen, thank you pastor," I reply.
He releases my hands and I begin to walk away before He calls me back. "Sister Ire, please, could you wait a little bit more, I would like to see you." Pastor says and I nod my head stepping aside carefully.
"I noticed how you were in the presence of God today," he begins. We are sitting in His office now. I nod in response.
"It's not like I was intentionally looking at you or anything like that, but then while praying, I just looked in your direction and I noticed you were really lost." I smile as He says this.
"You want to share what's up?"
I tense as I hear this. The pastor of my church is the last person I want to tell this to. I will need someone to be accountable to and give reports on how well I'm doing on my stand to be sexually pure but not my pastor.
I do not want to talk but I feel my lips move on its own accord. I find myself explaining everything to the pastor and he sits listening. He frowns a little when I get to the part of Paul threatening to leave me if I don't give Him what he wants. After I finish, pastor gives me tissue to wipe my tears.
"For how long has this sex issue been going on?" He asks.
"This is the eight month but we have had sex about four times," I explain feeling free like I can tell him anything instead of the normal reserved feeling I have.
"Sister F'irefunmi, I love the decision you made today to stay sexually pure and I pray that God gives you the grace to stand by your opinion."
"Amen", I say nodding my head.
"Well, now that you have made your decision, you might need someone or some people you give reports to for accountability. Go and pray about it and let's see what happens."
He asks me about work and other general things before I take my leave.
To be continued....
Post a Comment